Mother’s Wrath
by
R. Brian Campbell
“Garth the Adventurer. I require your help.”
I blinked my eyes open. I must have fallen asleep at my desk. My vision cleared and I looked up at the ceiling. Wait a minute! This isn’t my office! This is-
I sat bolt upright in bed. A young-looking, raven haired woman, wearing a form-fitting black blouse and breeches, sat on the foot of my bed, her legs curled under her, luminous green eyes staring intently at me.
“Salem! What are you doing in my bedroom?”
“As I said, I have need of your services.”
“Most of my clients meet me in my office.”
She shrugged. “I am not most of your clients. And you owe me a favour.”
“Not in my bedroom, I don’t.” I pointed towards the door. “Get out. Wait for me in my kitchen. We’ll talk there.”
Salem smiled, revealing sharp pointed teeth, as she unfolded and glided out the door, pulling it closed behind her.
I swung my feet to the floor and quickly dressed, all the while wondering if it was possible to make my bedroom cat proof.
My mood hadn’t improved by the time I left my bedroom and stumbled into the kitchen. Salem was waiting for me. She had managed to curl up on one of my kitchen chairs. I nodded to her, and checked the stove, stirring the hot coals while adding kindling and a couple of medium sized logs. I set the kettle on the stove and went to the pantry, taking out some eggs and salt pork.
“Did you want some breakfast?” I asked.
She looked and the meat and eggs and wrinkled her nose. “I prefer my food… fresher.”
I shrugged and returned to making breakfast. When I was done, I set the plate of pork and eggs on the table, scooped some leaves into the teapot and filled it with boiling water.
I sat down and looked at Salem across the table. “Can I get you anything? Tea? Water? A saucer of milk?”
Her face darkened and her eyes bored right through me. “Can we just get on to why I came here?”
I glared right back at her. “You interrupted my sleep, so you can wait until I’m ready to talk business. First I want to eat.” I stuffed some egg in my mouth and chewed furiously, holding her gaze.
“Fine,” she finally responded. “Eat then. I’ll wait.” She crossed her arms and continued to watch me.
I took a few more bites before curiosity got the better of me. “Okay, Salem, go ahead and tell me what you need me for.”
“It’s Rolf.”
Rolf? It took a moment or two for my sleep dazed brain to register Salem’s shape-changing bullmastiff boyfriend. “Trouble in paradise? Sorry, but relationship advice is outside my area of expertise. You will note the lack of a wife in my home.”
For a moment, I thought she was going to hiss at me or claw my eyes out. “That’s not the problem,” she spat. “It’s Mother.”
“Uh, oh. So Abigail found out that you’ve been dallying with a canine? I promise that she didn’t hear it from me.”
“Will you shut up and let me finish?” She snarled.
“Okay. Mouth shut.” I knew when not to push my luck.
“Rolf wanted to tell Mother about us. Tell her that we were…”
“Mating?” Okay, maybe I didn’t know better.
“Courting.” She corrected, giving me a glare that could have melted Elven silver.
“That would be a very bad idea,” I commented. “You talked him out of it, of course.”
“I tried,” she admitted. “But Rolf can be very stubborn, at times.”
“The boy’s got guts,” I said, appreciatively. “Not sure about his brains, but he definitely has guts. So, you want me to stop him before your mother neuters him?”
Salem shook her head, sadly. “Too late. He went to talk to her this morning.”
“He did? What happened?”
Salem was silent for a moment, staring at a spot on the table. Then she blurted out, “Mother turned him into a frog.”
Oh, Hades. That was not good. Not good at all. “So, what do you want me to do? I’m not a wizard. I can’t change him back. What do you expect me to do?”
“Could you talk to Mother? Get her to change him back. She respects you.”
I shook my head and laughed dryly. “No she doesn’t. The last time we crossed paths, she threw a house at me.”
“It was only a shed,” Salem corrected.
“Whatever. I have no reason to expect her to be any more welcoming this time, not to mention that she has absolutely no reason to listen to me. In fact, there’s a fairly good chance that I would end up sharing a lily pad with Rolf.”
“But you are my only hope. I have nowhere else to go.” She looked at me, tears running down her cheeks.
Damn! How could I say no to that? I couldn’t, of course. “Okay. Calm down. I’ll talk to your mother. I don’t know how it will help, but I’ll try.”
Salem smiled at me, her tears already gone. “Thank you, Garth. I knew I could count on you.”
Did I just get tricked? Oh well, a promise is a promise. What’s the worst that could happen? “Ribbit.”
———————————————-
I looked at all the weapons and supplies in the armoury, trying to decide what would best serve me on a mission like this. Nothing really seemed appropriate. I began by putting on my Elven silver chainmail hauberk and gorget. It seemed woefully inadequate, but at least it was some protection against Abigail’s magic. Over the mail, I added my hardened leather jerkin. It served no useful purpose at all against magic, but it made me feel more protected, and at this point, I could use all the security I could get. I looked at my collection of silver weapons, then back at Salem. This is where the quandary begins. I needed to defend myself, but how would my client feel about me harming her mother. Sure, she’s mad at her right now, but in the heat of battle…
Salem must have sensed my dilemma. “Arm yourself, Garth. I don’t expect you to face Mother unarmed. Take whatever you need.”
I still wasn’t convinced, but I took my Elven silver short sword, my sling with silver projectiles, and my crossbow with silver-tipped bolts. I was tempted to take my invisibility cloak, but I doubted it would fool Abigail. Besides, I needed to talk to her. I must remember to have an Elven silver shield made. It would be handy in situations like this. That’s what I needed. An Elven silver shield. A big one. Huge. Big enough to hide behind.
I shook my head to clear out the daydreams and stepped back from the weapons. “I guess I’m as ready as I’m going to be. I’m glad that Bart is busy helping Syras and Helena today. It’s better that he stays out of this.”
“I know,” Salem assured me. “I met him as he was leaving, and he told me that he’d be helping them all day.”
I nodded, approvingly. I should have known that Salem would be careful when it came to Bart, or any of the children. I locked up the armoury, crossed to the stable, and saddled my warhorse, Valor. After mounting, I looked down at Salem. “How are we going to do this? I know that you don’t like to ride horses.”
Salem rested a hand on my leg, as she smiled up at me. “Not a problem” An instant later, I felt sharp claws digging into my leg through my leather breaches, as Salem, in cat form, climbed my leg, up across my back, to perch on my shoulder. I didn’t know how such close proximity to Elven silver would affect a magical creature like Salem, but I decided that was her concern. I nudged Valor’s flanks with my heels and we started towards Abigail’s home in the Black Forest.
————————————————
When we rode up to the front of Abigail’s hovel, Salem leapt off my shoulder, landing in human form. “Mother! Come out here.” She snarled.
So much for the subtle approach. I swung off Valor and unstrapped my crossbow from behind the saddle. In a practiced motion, I levered back the bowstring, set it, and dropped a silver-tipped bolt in place. Then I took a crossed armed stance, cradling the crossbow in what I hoped was a non-threatening pose.
A slim, white haired, middle-aged looking woman, dressed in black, stepped out onto the porch. She was chewing on something. In her hands she had a plate of- Uh oh! I tightened my grip on the crossbow.
“Salem,” Abigail asked, between bites. “Why did you bring Garth the Adventurer here? Is he your new mate, now? If you keep this up, I may have to get you fixed.”
“Mother! What are you eating?”
Abigail looked down at the plate in her hand. “These? Frog’s legs. Did you want some?” She offered the plate. “I just fried them up. They are quite delicious.”
“MOTHER! You didn’t.”
I shook my head. “Very bad taste, Abigail.”
Abigail looked surprised. “Not at all. They taste wonderful. Just the right amount of spices, if I do say so myself.”
Salem was shivering with rage. I was afraid that she might grab my crossbow and use it on her mother. I stepped away from her, holding the crossbow as tightly as I could manage.
“You didn’t Mother. Not Rolf.”
Abigail manufactured the most innocent crocodile smile I had ever seen. “Rolf? Oh, the pup. No, his legs were much too skinny. I tossed him in a pond and found some frogs with meatier legs. Your dog-boy is just fine. Well, reasonably fine, all things considered.”
“Really, Abigail,” I admonished, shaking my head.
“Mother. Where did you throw Rolf?”
Abigail waved her hand absently, while still nibbling on a frog leg. “Out there somewhere. One of those little ponds on the other side of the bog.”
“I want him back,” Salem demanded.
“Then, by all means, go get him.” Abigail’s eyes gleamed as she smiled wickedly. “In fact, I’ll make a deal with you. If you can find him, I’ll let you keep him.”
“I want him back the way he was. I want you to change him back.”
“Do it yourself. All it takes is a kiss. On the mouth.” Abigail’s smile grew. “Of course, you may find yourself kissing a lot of frogs. So, just how badly do you want him back?
Salem planted her hands on her hips. “I want him back. I love him.”
Abigail snorted. “Love? Oh, Pluto protect me from the silliness of love. Fine. If you love him so much, go find your pup. And while you’re at it, find yourself another place to live.” She spun on her heel and stormed back into the house, slamming the door behind her.
We stood outside the hovel in silence for a few moments. Then I spoke up. “Well, now that you know where Rolf is and how to get him back, you no longer need my-”
Salem turned on me. “You are not leaving me to do this alone. You owe me and I still need your help.”
“But this isn’t my line of work. I don’t go hunting around in ponds for-”
“I NEED YOU AND YOU ARE GOING TO HELP ME!”
I sighed, reattached my crossbow to the back of my saddle and gathered up Valor’s reins. “Lead the way.”
———————————————–
What a job for an adventurer. I had stripped off my leather jerkin, Elven mail and gorget, my sword and swordbelt, and was now crawling around a fetid pond in my shirtsleeves looking for… sigh, frogs, hoping to find a familiar looking one. What in Jupiter’s name are we expecting to find out here? A frog was a frog. “Salem. I really don’t think we-”
“Keep looking. We’ll find him. I can feel it.”
“But seriously, Salem, what are we even supposed to be-” Wait! What was that? I took a closer look at the frog that caught my eye, cowering in the reads. “Uh, Salem. I think I found something.”
She sprang towards me. “What?”
I parted the reeds and looked at the skinny frog hiding there. “Tell me, have you ever seen a frog with ginger coloured fuzz on the top of its head before?”
Salem was looming over my shoulder in an instant. She shoved me aside and pounced on the frog, lifting it up in her cupped hands. “Rolf? You found him, Garth. You found him.”
She gazed lovingly at the scrawny amphibian, puckered her lips and kissed it.
An instant later, the scrawny frog had become a scrawny human, with a mop of orangey-red hair that looked like it couldn’t decide which direction to grow and, as a result, ended up sticking out at odd angles. Rolf was back, although looking a bit worse for wear.
Rolf looked a bit dazed. Salem tried to wrap her arms around him, but he pulled away, stepping back.
“Rolf?”
“Salem. Please, just give me a minute,” Rolf beseeched. “You have no idea what I’ve been through. I-I ate bugs.” He looked like he was going to be ill.
As compared to what you probably ate as a dog? I wisely kept to myself.
“It’s over now,” Salem assured him. “Mother said that if I could find you and turn you back, she would let us be together.”
“But can we trust her?” Rolf asked.
A very good question, I also kept to myself.
“I’m sure that if we stay united, we can convince her to leave us be,” Salem responded, confidently.
“I’m sorry Salem, but I can’t take that chance.” Rolf backed away, tears in his eyes. “I love you, but your mother terrifies me. I’m afraid of what she’ll do next time.” Rolf turned, and suddenly a gigantic bullmastiff was running away as fast as his legs could carry him.
Salem stared after him, silently.
“Salem. I am so sor-”
“Shhh!” She held up a hand, cutting me off. “Thank you, Garth, for your assistance. You have been a great help. Your debt to me is paid. Now, please leave me.”
“Are you-”
“Yes I am. Thank you.” The words barely left her lips and she was in cat form and moments later faded into the darkness of the Black Forest.
I stood there, alone, for a bit, pondering the events that had unfolded. Then I returned to Valor, mounted, and headed for home. As I rode, I wondered what I would say when Bart inevitably asked what I did today.
—————————————-
“Garth. I have a wonderful idea.”
I opened my eyes and stared at the bedroom ceiling. “Salem. Why are you in my bedroom? Again!”
“Because I needed to tell you about my great idea.”
I sat up and gazed at her, once again curled up at the foot of my bed. “And exactly what is this wonderful idea, that couldn’t wait until I was awake and in my office?”
“I was thinking that we make a great team,” Salem replied, with a wide grin.
“I suppose,” I allowed. “Although our last collaboration didn’t turn out all that well.”
“True,” She agreed. “But that was a flaw in Rolf’s courage, not in our teamwork. We still managed to rescue him.”
“I guess that’s true,” I responded slowly, not really liking where this was going. “So what has this to do with your great idea?”
“I was thinking that we should be partners.”
“Partners?”
“Yes,” She said, with a confident smile. “I can work with you on your adventuring jobs. We already make a great team. Imagine what we can do with more time working together.”
“Salem, I already have a partner.”
“I know that,” She replied. “I’m not saying that you should get rid of Bart. I like Bart. The three of us will be partners together.”
I could feel the blood pounding, right behind my eyes. “Salem. I’m not going to discuss this with you in my bedroom. Go and wait for me in the kitchen. We can talk about it over breakfast.”
“Yes, sir, partner.” She sprang from the bed. “I’ll go tell Bart about our partnership.” She was out the door before I could respond.
I threw myself back on the bed, my hands pressing down on my eyes. Partners! Partners! Oh Pluto, just take me straight to Hades now! How am I going to unravel this ball of twine?